Sitting in the Fire of Truth
I hear myself and others say, “I want to know the truth!”
I have been convinced, at times, that this is true. I have really believed this! THEN I bump up against a very strongly held belief, one that threatens my sense of security and who I think I am. It is then that I realize I don’t always want “to know the truth!
Over the years I have taken pride in all the “fires” I have sat in, all the challenges and fears I have faced and still there are times when I experience incredible fear and discomfort and I don’t want to know what the thoughts are beneath that fear. There are times when I prefer being in denial! I try to mitigate the feelings by getting busy, calling someone, drinking a glass of wine, or watching TV, anything to move away from the feelings of discomfort.
What is also true is that in my experience that being with those feelings, identifying the thoughts that are creating the feelings and loving them is how it eases. It often requires seeing what I think I don’t want to see and hear. It requires that I come out of denial and see the truth rather than what I prefer to see and believe. When I am able to do that, an amazing sense of peace, clarity and love takes over. And still, at times, the fear is often stronger than the desire to know the truth.
What has helped me the most is to question the fear as a loving mother would question a child who is terrified that there is a boogey man under her bed. “Oh honey, are you sure?”
Life continually presents me with opportunities to dive in again and again to learn that the truth really is kinder than any story I have about it. So in this moment as I notice the fear, I ask myself, can I sit with this dis-ease, this dis-comfort, this fire of truth and ask, “Oh honey, is that true?”