I Am Not Special!
I had the shocking realization recently that I’m not special ~ never have been and never will be. I wish I could say I have loved realizing this, but I haven’t – not yet! The spiritual texts talk about this concept, but it’s always been out there as a nice concept and not fully realized inside of me.
What I am discovering is that trying to be special has been hard work, a life long pursuit that so far has not panned out like I thought it would. It also meant that I was constantly comparing myself with others. I saw others as better than me or less than me. I put them down and judged them or put them up and aspired to be like them. In either case I always lost – it’s painful to compare, I have learned.
I thought that if I were special others would see how wonderful I was and want to be with me and love me. In trying to be special I had to work hard to prove that I had some worth, that there was a reason why others would find me special. All of this has been a huge burden and basically very painful.
My new understanding has me looking at life and others differently. Just like every blade of grass in a large field, every tree in a forest and every bird that sings, we each have a place in this magical universe. Each field full of grass or flowers or weeds consists of many small and large elements doing its part to make the whole scene come alive. And like each blade of grass, I’m not special. I’m just doing my part to make the whole scene that I happen to be in come alive in some magical way. Equal – not more or less than another. Wow – it’s an amazing way to see the world.
Lately, I’ve been noticing that as I look around I actually see other people. I see them doing their part in this thing we call Life. I look forward to seeing how this realization unfolds over time. It is a much easier way to live in the world as equal and “not special.”