I Don’t Want Her To Be My Mother

I Don’t Want Her to be My Mother

Mother’s Day is coming up soon and I thought that the greatest gift I could give myself and my mother, even though she died a couple of years ago, would be to do another Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet on her.  Having done a gazillion (at least) Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets on my mother over the years, I was curious about what might come out in this one.

First thought that came to mind was, “I don’t want her for a mother.” Immediately my mind argued. “How could that be true, you’ve done so much work on your mother, you love her. This is ridiculous. Etc.”  However, since I trust the thoughts that arise I wrote it down.  And because I was so curious about this one thought I started with it.

“I don’t want her to be my mother.”

How do you react when you believe that thought?
I treat her like a mother who failed miserably to meet my needs as a child. I shun her, ignore her, treat her like she isn’t a part of my life and not meeting my expectations.

Who would you be without that thought?
Mother-less. Whoa – what is that about?  No longer having a “mother.”  No longer laying all my “mother” expectations on a woman who happened to give birth to me. Free to love this amazing woman – a freedom that is difficult to put into words.  Free to see her as so many others saw her and experienced her. They didn’t put “mother” expectations on her.  They were grateful to have her in their life.  Free to get to know her as a person, someone trying to navigate life just like me and not always doing it according to unknown expectations from others.  Free to receive all that she gave me, all that she offered, all that she was.  Free to experience total gratitude for her and she was.

Turn it Around
I don’t want her to be my “mother” turned around to itself was so much truer and wonderful to realize. I don’t want to put “mother” expectations on her.  I want to see her clearly without my story.
This is so amazingly true I have just been sitting in it.


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